I'm going to be closing my blog to outside viewers soon, including family & friends.
What began as a blog to communicate with loved ones, has changed. It has really become my journal. No one blogs anymore, and no one leaves comments, which I am fine with. However, the distraction of my "audience" remains as I try to write posts for this blog. I wonder who checks it, what they'll think of what I post, instead of just recording our lives in the family journal I want it to be. I write it about and for our little family. At the end of each year, I create a photo book and include these blog posts, so it literally becomes our family journal.
Not many people out there have their private journals open for family and friends to read as they come to visit. This "audience" sometimes causes a hesistation in what I post. I want to eliminate that. I want to write about every facet of our lives, about our relationships, love, faith, routines, work and anything and everything else that I can think of. And all this can only be truly understood within the context of our little family. I want to write alot more and in order to do that I can't worry about who might be reading it.
For example, today I had a moment of pure joy. It was simple, sweet happiness. We had driven to Bellevue to meet Shane for dinner and had a great time together. After helping me get the kids in the car, Shane and I talked just a moment in the parking lot about his work, his dirty shirt, and the kids. We laughed and he gave me a big kiss and a huge bear hug. We said goodbye and then got in our cars and drove off. Shane was in one lane, and we were in the other. The kids yelling "Bye Daddy" out the window to him as he drove back to work. Then on the way home, all three kids were belly laughing together in the backseat. Even Levi. Emma was making them all laugh by making funny noises into an empty water bottle. I was struck with how blessed I am. It was truly one of the most joyful moments of my life. I feel so lucky to have my sweet children, and my Shane. In this crazy world, we have this sweet little life that I adore. We came home and I wanted to write it down to remember that powerful moment. As I started to blog, I thought..."well, what if people think I'm being a bit braggy, our life isn't perfect..." and that moment of pure joy was tainted. Worrying about what others might think now changed how I felt about that sweet memory.
So, I'm done. But, this journal will continue and I'm excited for what it will become to us.
And just for the record, I do think our life is Perfect. Its a crazy, busy, problematic, challenged filled life, that constantly wears me down to nothing and then fills me back up again with joy, and it is absolutely Perfect to me.
So if you want to stay connected, you can find me on facebook. I often post pictures of us and little bits about our adventures. I'm always an email or phone call away, or better yet a visit, where I'll gladly let you look at our family journals. For some reason the in-home sharing of a family journal is different that the blogging set-up I have going on here.
See you on the internets. :)